Catholic Hymn Tier List
An incomplete yet substantive ranking
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Ranking Catholic hymns is no easy task. First of all, the Catholic Church has some absolute bangers. You don’t get a title like “the universal church” without producing an earworm or two, and the Church understood centuries ago what South Korea (K-Pop) and Kosovo (Dua Lipa & her lesser Albanian clones) understand in the present: to dominate hearts and minds, it helps to dominate the charts. This is all to say, there’s no shortage of beautiful material to work with here.
Second of all, the Catholic Church has been heavily invested in pumping out tunes for nearly two millennia. Its presence spans multiple continents and languages. Shoutout to the Spanish, who despite their “multiple siestas a day” policy nonetheless managed to impose tildes and Jesús on a decent chunk of the world. This makes ranking the hymns all but impossible. There are simply too many of them.
Yes, a punishing ordeal lies before me. But is that not Catholicism, writ small?
We are all imperfect before God. As such, this is an imperfect list; incomplete, biased, tainted. Yet an imperfect instrument remains capable of music, and this list is my flawed melody, humbly offered to the Lord (and to Substack) in the hopes that it might serve some higher purpose.
Taking a page from the Vatican’s playbook, let’s start with some rules. I’ve declared myself Pope John Paul III, and these are my edicts: No Christmas songs. Those feel like a different category, and I’d like to leave them for a holiday-themed tier list in the future. Hymns that aren’t strictly Catholic in origin are welcome to the congregation, provided they could reasonably make a cameo appearance at the local basilica without turning too many heads. Very protestant ones, however, will be confined to the “Honorable Mentions” category. Finally, this list is a living document, subject to additions in the future. I’m beginning with the hymns I’m most familiar with.
Now, with all that out of the way, let us pray.
Honorable Mentions (Not Catholic, Friend You Brought to Mass Once)
“Our God Is an Awesome God”
This one isn’t Catholic in origin, so I don’t know what this song was doing in my church as a kid. But I did hear it there, and I don’t like it at all, so I wanted to put it on this list to formally denounce it. It was recorded in 1988 by Richard Mullins, who said of it, “it’s one of the worst-written songs that I ever wrote; it’s just poorly crafted.” Agreed. “The Lord wasn’t joking when he kicked them out of Eden” ought to be a wholly disqualifying lyric. Is this mass, or a honky-tonk?
This one has everything I don’t like in a worship song. Violently protestant. Uses contemporary vernacular. Sounds like the gummy pasta salad from the potluck that undoubtedly followed the service where people swayed with their hands over their hearts. Why it showed up at Holy Family in Lawton, Oklahoma, I don’t know, but it didn’t belong there. This is Catholicism. We drink blood here. If you don’t like it, go cry about it with your talking vegetable friends. I’m sure they’ll affirm your feelings or whatever it is you think organized religion is for.
“How Great Thou Art”
Sure, why not? This one is pretty good. I don’t mind it. I think if I were an omnipotent deity who was pleased by my subjects singing at me, hearing “consider all the worlds Thy hands have made” would bring a smile to my massive, celestial face.
However, I can’t explain it, but “Then sings my soul, my savior God to thee” does have notes of the cold macaroni-raisin-salad I thought I left back at the table with “Our God Is an Awesome God.” Maybe that’s not fair. Maybe it’s fine. You know what? It’s fine.
“Amazing Grace”
On the absolute other end of the “songs by protestants” spectrum from “Our God Is an Awesome God,” we have “Amazing Grace.” Incredible. Felt giddy every time I got to sing, “that saved a wretch like me!” Truly speaks for itself.
Now, please dip your fingers in the provided holy water and make the sign of the cross as we begin with the low tiers.
Low Tier (Maybe Goes to Mass on Easter and Christmas)
DAVID HAAS DISCLAIMER: I had no idea about the allegations of sexual misconduct against David Haas until my tier list had already been completed and I went looking to see if anyone else hated David Haas. I only knew him by his incredibly mid music. I will separate the art from the artist, and dislike the two in different ways, for different reasons. Thank you.
“We Are Called”
Composer David Haas scores his first of a handful of low placements here with this hymn from 1988. I get the impression that the 80s weren’t a great time to be writing Catholic hymns. Hair metal was monopolizing drama, flamboyance, and anthems, I guess. “We Are Called” doesn’t sound like anything to my ears, and its earnest themes of love and service are violently outshone by other hymns. I am ungenerously including a rather cacophonous rendition of it below, to emphasize my point.
I’m so bored. I feel like an altar boy daydreaming about getting back to catching Pokémon on My Nintendo Game Boy Color as quickly as I can. Next!
“City of God”
We are sons of the morning. We are daughters of day. We are singing a rather forgettable song! I can’t help but notice that many of the lower-quality hymns depict heaven as a city, while the higher-quality ones have it as a kingdom. Maybe the City of Heaven isn’t sending their best. Maybe the city of Heaven is not walkable, has no bike lanes, no Michelin-starred restaurants, and that’s why it can’t produce better hymns. Everyone is cranky.
I don’t hate it or anything. I just don’t see it holding a comically oversized candle (with La Virgen of Guadalupe emblazoned on it) to some of the other hymns on this list. Even talking about it feels like a chore. Is this anyone’s favorite hymn? Does “let us build the city of God” make anyone feel hype for communion wine? Probably not. I don’t think so.
“You Are Mine”
I guess I’m really not a David Haas fan. I don’t like duets. I like one authoritative voice of divinity in my Catholic hymns, or a Gregorian chant featuring hundreds of menacing, robed figures in one room. Otherwise, the whole thing starts to feel like Glee. “You Are Mine” sounds like it was made for a very special episode of Catholicism (here depicted as a TV series with hundreds of seasons) that centers a romantic relationship between two boring side characters that nobody cares about.
Ultimately, this song sounds protestant (derogatory). There are no flaming chariot wheels or storm clouds that rain down amphibians or swords made of lightning or anything. Boo!
“Under the Weight of the Wood”
This one freaked me out as a kid, and not in a good way (Catholicism is all about being freaked out in a good way). This one should register as extremely Catholic, with lyrics like “Lord, let me walk that lonely road with You, under the weight of the wood,” and “freedom can be found, laden down, under the weight of the wood,” but it’s a bit too on-the-nose for my liking. There’s no mystique. It’s trying a little too hard.
As a child, I found the lyrics “Lord let me cool your lips baked like clay” viscerally unpleasant. I also always chuckled at the lyrics “How many times have we nailed you up today,” which is fun as an adult, but used to make me feel like I was going to hell. I don’t know. This song sounds like the headaches I used to get while waiting for mass to be over with already. “How many times have we nailed you up today” is still so funny, though. I’m giggling.
“Now We Remain”
Yet another piece of liturgical detritus unbecoming of God’s One True Church by composer David Haas. Maybe Vatican II was a mistake! That’s all I’ll say about that.
That concludes the low tiers. All kneel for the mid tiers.